A Safe Place for Cutters Blog

Trying to be Perfect Makes for Imperfect

A high school girl in my Facebook group, The Safe Place for Cutters, wrote:

“i haven’t cut in a really long time…for me, i was feeling so lost in life and the pain from cutting helped center me. i’ve finally learned that you have to love yourself or else nobody will ever be able to love you. i’m such a perfectionist and it has been so hard to let go of the perfect image that i had of my self, and to accept that i am not always going to be able to live up to my ridiculous expectations of myself, but now that i have, i feel liberated. i hope that all of you are able to find that place of acceptance within yourself…we’re all here for you, because we all are going through or have gone through something similar if not exactly the same as what you’re going through.
much love to all of you!”

Sometimes the members in my group say it so much better than I could ever say myself.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.


How Not to be a Victim
April 12, 2009, 23:14
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There are many reasons why I started a support group for cutters on Facebook. But one of them is what I learn from them. Steven Tieu tells me that he has learned to break his problems into three parts; the facts, the victim and the responsible one. He then lists the various feelings and thoughts for each category.

For an example, let’s say he failed one of his classes in school. The victim in him would say, “I can’t believe he failed me. I did all my work, why would he fail me for this? It’s not fair that I spent all of this time doing work and I failed.” The victim asks, “Why me?” His brain stops thinking for him and he looks around his environment to find blame for his problems.

Now, the responsible part of him might say, “Well… I have to be honest with myself. I must admit that I really wasn’t doing all of the assignment and I really should have studied for that last exam instead of partying”.  By placing the blame on their self the responsible person is able to take control of the situation and ask a what or how question. “How can I improve my grade in this class” or “What can I do to improve my ability in this subject?  His mind will then go to work for him to answer that question.

Steven observed that by taking responsibility for his actions causes  less depression and anxiety and that taking the  victim’s perspective lower’s one’s self esteem. Although they may be contributing factors, blaming others or causes in the environment for your predicament takes away your power and you leave your self open to the whims of others making it hard to respect yourself or get respect from others. Steven is right…it does contribute  to anxiety and depression. That is because when you take action you give yourself control and make things happen. That is a very empowering feeling.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!