A Safe Place for Cutters Blog


Trying to be Perfect Makes for Imperfect

A high school girl in my Facebook group, The Safe Place for Cutters, wrote:

“i haven’t cut in a really long time…for me, i was feeling so lost in life and the pain from cutting helped center me. i’ve finally learned that you have to love yourself or else nobody will ever be able to love you. i’m such a perfectionist and it has been so hard to let go of the perfect image that i had of my self, and to accept that i am not always going to be able to live up to my ridiculous expectations of myself, but now that i have, i feel liberated. i hope that all of you are able to find that place of acceptance within yourself…we’re all here for you, because we all are going through or have gone through something similar if not exactly the same as what you’re going through.
much love to all of you!”

Sometimes the members in my group say it so much better than I could ever say myself.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.



Avoid Toxic People

Toxic People 2Now that you are practicing gratefulness in your life and have made a list of 200 things in your life that you are thankful for you have found that not everyone shares your new attitude that there is always something to be thankful for. You’ll say something pleasant like, “Isn’t the sky a pretty blue?” and they will sneeringly retort, “No it isn’t. It’s a sickly hue of gray.” So what do you do?

Please heed this important advice: avoid toxic people! Unfortunately, there are a few people out there who see the world as one big problem, and in their eyes you’re part of it. No matter how well things are going, they focus on the nitpicking little negative details. And they do it constantly. It’s a habit that totally destroys relationships.

You may be thinking at this point, “Easier said than done. Do you mean if a friend I’ve known for years talks like this, should I just turn and walk away?” No, RUN! His or her constant negativity will drain the life out of you. Now please understand, I am not talking about someone who has a genuine challenge and needs real help. I am referring to those chronic whiners who take great pleasure in dumping all their negative garbage on your plate at every opportunity. It’s the highlight of their day. Don’t put up with it anymore.

To A Life Worth Living,
Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



How Can I Be Grateful When Nothing is Going Right?

In my last post I discussed the importance of being grateful. Have you ever noticed how pleasant it is to be around people who are grateful for you or what you have done for them? That’s how you will know the following exercise works.

gratitude2

Something that will help you in practicing gratitude in your life and thus being present and in the moment (also known as mindfulness) is to make a list of 200 things that you are thankful for. Take 20 3×5 index cards and write 10 things from your list on each card. Carry these around with you and focus on one card each day.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out how much is really going right in your life.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



The Great Discovery
May 20, 2009, 21:29
Filed under: Tools | Tags: , , ,

ThoughtsA valuable resource for when you are trying to attain a goal that seems to elude you is to read the writings of successful people. One of my favorite gurus is Brian Tracy. I think what he has to say applies to people who have the urge to cut as well. Success is however you define it. For some of you it is overcoming the urge to cut.

In his book, “Flight Plan: The Real Secret to Success” Mr. Tracy states, “ Perhaps the greatest discovery in human history—the foundation principle of religion, philosophy, metaphysics, and psychology is that thoughts are causes, and conditions are effects. This means that your thought create your reality. You do not see the world as it is but rather as you are. Everywhere you look, you see yourself. In a larger sense, your outer world is a mirror of your inner world. Whatever think on the inside will be reflected back to you on the outside. If you want to know what is going on inside a person, just look at what is happening to him or her on the outside”.

“For you to change your outer world you must change your inner world. As Goethe said, ‘To have more, you must first be more.’

In other words, to create a different life, in any area, you must become a different person. You must learn and grow and have the necessary experiences that give you the wisdom and insights to live a wonderful life. And there are no shortcuts.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “A Safe Place for Cutters” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



The Farmer’s Field
May 15, 2009, 07:00
Filed under: negative thinking | Tags: ,

The conscious mind is like a farmer deciding what to plant in his field. The subconscious mind is like the farmer’s field. It has no choice as to what will be planted. When the farmer plants a corn seed, corn grows in the field. When a dandelion seed is planted in the farmer’s field, the farmer will reap a dandelion.

Corn Stalk

It would be foolish to think that by planting a dandelion seed, a stalk of corn would emerge from the ground, yet many people believe this will happen in their lives. When you think a negative thought, or concentrate on visions of failure, the results for you will be failure.

You decide which seeds you will plant by the thoughts you think. It is no more possible for you to think negative thoughts and reap positive results than it is for a farmer to plant a dandelion seed and harvest corn.

Some people have been careless in what they have planted over the years, and now they have a field overrun by weeds. It will take a little time to clear the field. Start planting corn right away, and soon you will have a rich and bountiful harvest.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!



There is Always Positive that Goes Along with the Negative
May 13, 2009, 07:00
Filed under: negative thinking, self-harm | Tags: , ,

Positive ThoughtsOne of the members of my Facebook group “A Safe Place for Cutters” recently wrote, “hello, it’s been a long time since we talked. I did break my commitment, but just once. it was a long struggle, and i don’t know what all was going on, but i was going to just give up on life. i thank God I had friends with me, and one that called me right in time.
ok, that was the bad, here is the good
i got a job, school is almost over, im spending the night at a friends tomorrow, someone’s giving me clothes..
you see, there is always positive that goes along with the negative, we just hope that there is more positive”.

She is absolutely right. With that kind of attitude she will be successful in her endeavors. Another way of looking at it is to look at negatives as lessons that you need to learn. If you learn the lesson you move forward and if you don’t you stay stuck and keep repeating the same problems over and over.

You must learn to refocus your attention from negative to positive in any given situation.  Every problem will go away. Either it will change or you will. No problem is permanent. It can’t be permanent because everything is in a constant state of flux; everything changes. Worry is useless. Instead of being ready to give in, remember that every problem has a limited life span. Things will get better. Seek to grow.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!



Voices from the Past
April 15, 2009, 08:00
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

In response to my blog post “Feeling Like a Victim the Second Mortal Mistake.” (3/24/09) Tara G. commented, “Thanks for writing this. I know I’m too hard on myself but I am so trying to be positive it’s what Jesus wants me to do. I try to view myself as HE views me but it’s so hard when the tapes of so many people’s words to you and much more from your past are playing in your head.” Tara is right. It is very difficult to get bad thoughts and images out of our head. It will take some practice.

You have to focus on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. There are a number of ways to do this. One is to eliminate negative people in your life. If people are tearing you down instead of building you up distance yourself. Some people feel an obligation to old friends and hang on to them no matter what. But as you grow you will out grow certain friends and it is ok to let some go. Another way is to pay attention to the movies, music and books you read as they will impact your mood.

In an anger management class that I was teaching at my hospital, one of my patients said that my class made him to decide to reduce his use of swear words because he found that swearing creates a negative environment. He had come to this conclusion himself as I had never discussed swearing.

Generating positive thoughts will take some time as it takes awhile to even recognize the negative forces in our lives as we have become so accustomed to them. Eventually, it will become easier to replace negative thoughts with positive ones but as with building any new habits it feels impossible at first.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!