A Safe Place for Cutters Blog


Trying to be Perfect Makes for Imperfect

A high school girl in my Facebook group, The Safe Place for Cutters, wrote:

“i haven’t cut in a really long time…for me, i was feeling so lost in life and the pain from cutting helped center me. i’ve finally learned that you have to love yourself or else nobody will ever be able to love you. i’m such a perfectionist and it has been so hard to let go of the perfect image that i had of my self, and to accept that i am not always going to be able to live up to my ridiculous expectations of myself, but now that i have, i feel liberated. i hope that all of you are able to find that place of acceptance within yourself…we’re all here for you, because we all are going through or have gone through something similar if not exactly the same as what you’re going through.
much love to all of you!”

Sometimes the members in my group say it so much better than I could ever say myself.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

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Warning: Worrying About Stress is More Damaging than Stress Itself.
May 11, 2010, 10:03
Filed under: Coping Skills, Tools | Tags: , ,

In his book Ageless Body, Timeless Mind, Deepak Chopra says that worrying about stress is more damaging than stress itself. Which brings me back to something I have said previously: It is not events that shape your world. It is your thought processes.

When you learn to control your thoughts, you reduce the power that negative influences have upon your life. Remember, no matter how long a list of stress reducers you compile, your mental state will always be the most important factor when it comes to achieving peace of mind.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



9 Things You Can Do to Be Happy in the Next 30 Minutes

I came across these bits of wisdom by Gretchen Rubin who blogs about happiness, among other topics, for Real Simple’s Simply Stated. Her book, The Happiness Project (Harper Collins) is due out in 2009.

Being happier doesn’t have to be a long-term ambition. You can start right now. In the next 30 minutes, tackle as many of the following suggestions as possible. Not only will these tasks themselves increase your happiness, but the mere fact that you’ve achieved some concrete goals will boost your mood.

1. Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you’re on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better…

2. Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.

3. Reach out. Send an e-mail to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. When you act in a friendly way, not only will others feel more friendly toward you, but you’ll also strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people.

4. Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a big rush of elation.

5. Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time cleaning off your desk and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.

6. Do a good deed. Introduce two people by e-mail, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise. In fact, you can also…

7. Save someone’s life. Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. “Do good, feel good” — it really works!

8. Act happy. Fake it ’til you feel it. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you’re smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.

9. Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you “should” or “need” to learn about.

Some people worry that wanting to be happier is a selfish goal, but in fact, research shows that happier people are more sociable, likable, healthy, and productive — and they’re more inclined to help other people. By working to boost your own happiness, you’re making other people happier, too.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.



Do You Feel Like a Failure?
September 28, 2009, 22:03
Filed under: Coping Skills | Tags: , ,

Michael JordenEvery once in a while someone in my group, A Safe Place for Cutters,* will complain that after so many years they cut again.  As one cutter said after such an episode, “it’s gonna be hard to keep it on the straight and narrow now.” I disagree.

Failure is not a bad thing. Failure is actually a good thing, so long as it doesn’t become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Failure is, in fact, the Supreme Teacher, and action is the matriculation fee that allows you to enroll in the Supreme Teacher’s class.

To develop any complex skill such as managing urges to cut, you must be willing to make mistakes and endure failures. The faster you can make those mistakes and suffer those failures, the quicker you will master the skill.”

That reminds me of something basketball great Michael Jordan once said: “I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”

“Failure is instructive. The person who really thinks learns quite as much from his failures as from his successes.”

-John Dewey

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!



Five Little Senses
August 21, 2009, 05:00
Filed under: Coping Skills | Tags: , ,

In my last few blogs I have been discussing the importance of focusing what is going on with your five senses in order to aid you being present and thus mindful which goes a long way in helping you to relax and reduce anxiety. The following is a little child’s poem that reminds us how important it is to get back to basics.

Five little senses are what I need,
To use when things are near.

I use my eyes to look and see.

Eye
I use my ears to hear.

ear

I use my nose to smell things.

Smell

I use my hands to touch.

Touch

I use my mouth to taste
The things I love to eat so much.

Taste

Five little senses standing in a row,
To see, hear, smell, touch and taste
The things I need to know.

To A Life Worth Living,
Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



Avoid Toxic People

Toxic People 2Now that you are practicing gratefulness in your life and have made a list of 200 things in your life that you are thankful for you have found that not everyone shares your new attitude that there is always something to be thankful for. You’ll say something pleasant like, “Isn’t the sky a pretty blue?” and they will sneeringly retort, “No it isn’t. It’s a sickly hue of gray.” So what do you do?

Please heed this important advice: avoid toxic people! Unfortunately, there are a few people out there who see the world as one big problem, and in their eyes you’re part of it. No matter how well things are going, they focus on the nitpicking little negative details. And they do it constantly. It’s a habit that totally destroys relationships.

You may be thinking at this point, “Easier said than done. Do you mean if a friend I’ve known for years talks like this, should I just turn and walk away?” No, RUN! His or her constant negativity will drain the life out of you. Now please understand, I am not talking about someone who has a genuine challenge and needs real help. I am referring to those chronic whiners who take great pleasure in dumping all their negative garbage on your plate at every opportunity. It’s the highlight of their day. Don’t put up with it anymore.

To A Life Worth Living,
Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



How Can I Be Grateful When Nothing is Going Right?

In my last post I discussed the importance of being grateful. Have you ever noticed how pleasant it is to be around people who are grateful for you or what you have done for them? That’s how you will know the following exercise works.

gratitude2

Something that will help you in practicing gratitude in your life and thus being present and in the moment (also known as mindfulness) is to make a list of 200 things that you are thankful for. Take 20 3×5 index cards and write 10 things from your list on each card. Carry these around with you and focus on one card each day.

You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find out how much is really going right in your life.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!