A Safe Place for Cutters Blog

The Stranglehold of Perfectionism
May 10, 2009, 20:07
Filed under: Uncategorized

Perfectionist A young woman TER in my private group for cutters stated that she has been such a perfectionist and that it had been so hard to let go of the perfect image that she had of herself and to accept that was not always going to be able to live up to the “ridiculous expectations” she had assigned herself. Once she was able to let go of her rules she felt liberated and found that she could love herself.

That was very good insight on her part and she was wise to lower the high expectations she created for herself. Ironically, when we strive to be perfect it sets us up for failure, as it is impossible to be perfect. It also, causes us to place our high standards on everyone else. Which is really a projection of ourselves onto others. When people don’t live up to our arbitrary rules we become very disappointed in them. This makes it difficult to develop intimate relationships as we fear that if people get too close to us they will find that we are not the perfect person that we had presented ourselves to be.

It’s more productive to “aim for good” and then “aim for better” than trying to be perfect every time. I have known cutters to give into an urge to cut themselves and then be so disappointed in themselves for cutting that they will give into the urge even more and do some really bad cutting. Instead, it is better to not be so hard on yourself. By having patience with yourself you will be less hard on yourself and you will learn to really like yourself. You will find that this will make you more attractive to other people.

Don’t waste time and energy striving for perfect. Do the best you can. Then take time later to fine-tune yourself.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!


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