A Safe Place for Cutters Blog


Sometimes, You’re Going to Screw Up.
May 25, 2009, 23:11
Filed under: Coping Skills | Tags: , ,

Mistakes

Sometimes, you’re going to screw up.

But don’t be too hard on yourself.

Making mistakes – even downright failing – is a part of the learning process that you should welcome with open arms.

Michael Masterson another of  my favorite gurus calls this the secret of accelerated failure. “If you tense up and focus on avoiding mistakes, you will learn very slowly,” he says. “If you relax, let the mistakes happen, and learn from them, you will advance quickly.”

So in other words, don’t beat yourself up when you make mistakes. They are God’s way of telling you that there is something you need to know.

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “A Safe Place for Cutters” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



Life Is a Journey
May 22, 2009, 07:00
Filed under: Coping Skills | Tags: , ,

AirplaneBrian Tracy in his notable book “Flight Plan” The Real Secret of Success” shares that over the years he has flown back and forth across the country and around the world many times. One day he learned a remarkable fact: when you fly in any airplane headed for any destination, you will be off course 99 percent of the time! “Because of unavoidable conditions such as updrafts, downdrafts, crosswinds, turbulence, storms, lightning, and the earth’s magnetism, the plane will be off course throughout the journey”.

However, when the plane takes off from Los Angeles bound for New York, the pilot will come on the loudspeaker and say something like, ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you for flying our airline. Our flight today will take approximately five hours and twelve minutes, to six in the afternoon. Have a nice flight”. And sure enough, five hours and twelve minutes later, the plane lands at LaGuardia, right on the minute, just as predicted.

The point is this: In life, you will be off course most of the time. No matter how carefully you plan and organize in advance, your life will be a series of two steps forward and one step back. From the time you start on your journey of life toward your destination, your will have to make continual course corrections. You will have to start, stop, go left or right, move under or over obstacles, and often retrace your steps. These are the essential experiences your require to become the kind of person your need to be to achieve any kind  of lasting success. “

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “A Safe Place for Cutters” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



The Great Discovery
May 20, 2009, 21:29
Filed under: Tools | Tags: , , ,

ThoughtsA valuable resource for when you are trying to attain a goal that seems to elude you is to read the writings of successful people. One of my favorite gurus is Brian Tracy. I think what he has to say applies to people who have the urge to cut as well. Success is however you define it. For some of you it is overcoming the urge to cut.

In his book, “Flight Plan: The Real Secret to Success” Mr. Tracy states, “ Perhaps the greatest discovery in human history—the foundation principle of religion, philosophy, metaphysics, and psychology is that thoughts are causes, and conditions are effects. This means that your thought create your reality. You do not see the world as it is but rather as you are. Everywhere you look, you see yourself. In a larger sense, your outer world is a mirror of your inner world. Whatever think on the inside will be reflected back to you on the outside. If you want to know what is going on inside a person, just look at what is happening to him or her on the outside”.

“For you to change your outer world you must change your inner world. As Goethe said, ‘To have more, you must first be more.’

In other words, to create a different life, in any area, you must become a different person. You must learn and grow and have the necessary experiences that give you the wisdom and insights to live a wonderful life. And there are no shortcuts.

To A Life Worth Living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “A Safe Place for Cutters” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend. Click here!



The Farmer’s Field
May 15, 2009, 07:00
Filed under: negative thinking | Tags: ,

The conscious mind is like a farmer deciding what to plant in his field. The subconscious mind is like the farmer’s field. It has no choice as to what will be planted. When the farmer plants a corn seed, corn grows in the field. When a dandelion seed is planted in the farmer’s field, the farmer will reap a dandelion.

Corn Stalk

It would be foolish to think that by planting a dandelion seed, a stalk of corn would emerge from the ground, yet many people believe this will happen in their lives. When you think a negative thought, or concentrate on visions of failure, the results for you will be failure.

You decide which seeds you will plant by the thoughts you think. It is no more possible for you to think negative thoughts and reap positive results than it is for a farmer to plant a dandelion seed and harvest corn.

Some people have been careless in what they have planted over the years, and now they have a field overrun by weeds. It will take a little time to clear the field. Start planting corn right away, and soon you will have a rich and bountiful harvest.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!



There is Always Positive that Goes Along with the Negative
May 13, 2009, 07:00
Filed under: negative thinking, self-harm | Tags: , ,

Positive ThoughtsOne of the members of my Facebook group “A Safe Place for Cutters” recently wrote, “hello, it’s been a long time since we talked. I did break my commitment, but just once. it was a long struggle, and i don’t know what all was going on, but i was going to just give up on life. i thank God I had friends with me, and one that called me right in time.
ok, that was the bad, here is the good
i got a job, school is almost over, im spending the night at a friends tomorrow, someone’s giving me clothes..
you see, there is always positive that goes along with the negative, we just hope that there is more positive”.

She is absolutely right. With that kind of attitude she will be successful in her endeavors. Another way of looking at it is to look at negatives as lessons that you need to learn. If you learn the lesson you move forward and if you don’t you stay stuck and keep repeating the same problems over and over.

You must learn to refocus your attention from negative to positive in any given situation.  Every problem will go away. Either it will change or you will. No problem is permanent. It can’t be permanent because everything is in a constant state of flux; everything changes. Worry is useless. Instead of being ready to give in, remember that every problem has a limited life span. Things will get better. Seek to grow.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!



The Stranglehold of Perfectionism
May 10, 2009, 20:07
Filed under: Uncategorized

Perfectionist A young woman TER in my private group for cutters stated that she has been such a perfectionist and that it had been so hard to let go of the perfect image that she had of herself and to accept that was not always going to be able to live up to the “ridiculous expectations” she had assigned herself. Once she was able to let go of her rules she felt liberated and found that she could love herself.

That was very good insight on her part and she was wise to lower the high expectations she created for herself. Ironically, when we strive to be perfect it sets us up for failure, as it is impossible to be perfect. It also, causes us to place our high standards on everyone else. Which is really a projection of ourselves onto others. When people don’t live up to our arbitrary rules we become very disappointed in them. This makes it difficult to develop intimate relationships as we fear that if people get too close to us they will find that we are not the perfect person that we had presented ourselves to be.

It’s more productive to “aim for good” and then “aim for better” than trying to be perfect every time. I have known cutters to give into an urge to cut themselves and then be so disappointed in themselves for cutting that they will give into the urge even more and do some really bad cutting. Instead, it is better to not be so hard on yourself. By having patience with yourself you will be less hard on yourself and you will learn to really like yourself. You will find that this will make you more attractive to other people.

Don’t waste time and energy striving for perfect. Do the best you can. Then take time later to fine-tune yourself.

To a life worth living,

Foresteen Forbes, Psy. D.

*If you would like to be a member of my Facebook group “The Safe Place for Cutters,” please find me on Facebook and invite me to be your friend.  Click here!